Time for a New Doctor

I don't want to seem ungrateful.  My PCP has been by my side helping me navigate all of these crazy illnesses that I keep coming up with.  But I think for now, it's best if we just part ways.  He's gone from wanting to make sure I'm comfortable and living a good quality of life to caring only about what meds I use.

I had a severe stomach issue the other day (likely a Spincter of Oddi) flare up and I knew that if my nerve block wore off, our plan was to get me back in to the specialist ASAP to get a new nerve block.
So I went to the ER for emergency pain relief (which they refused to give me anyway) and then the next morning I got a call from my PCP's office.

The nurse that called was clearly trying to relay that my PCP was pissed.  He was ONLY concerned about whether or not the ER had given me narcotics (which I DON'T have a problem with, by the way).  She kept telling me how disappointed he was... blah, blah, blah.

They also made it clear that I wasn't going to be able to see the specialist for at least a month.  So for me, that means a LOT of vomiting and SEVERE pain until I can get my new nerve block.

But not once, NOT ONCE, did the nurse state that he wanted to know how I was doing, if I was okay, or if I needed something to make life livable until I can get back in to the specialist.

His ONLY concern was whether or not the ER disobeyed his wishes and gave me narcotics.  And even AFTER I told her that all they gave me was Benedryl (whoop ti do!) and no narcotics, she kept driving the point home as if I was some petulant child being scolded.

So that's it.  Our relationship has run it's course.  He's no longer focused on my level of care and more focused on the bureaucratic ways of working within an office group.

So I bet I REALLY pissed him off last night when I went back to the ER again and got Dilaudid.    But the truth was, yesterday I was feeling worse.  More vomiting (which yes, I do have zofran & phenergan for) and sever pain (of which I have a total of zero pain killers) and I actually for the first time in my life passed out cold.

I remember getting up from a lovely vomiting session on the toilet and I remember feeling week.... and the next memory I have after that is hearing my husband tell me that he was taking me back to the ER.  Not only did I pass out cold, I apparently hit my head on the boxspring of our bed on the way down.

So if my PCP wants to be pissed that I sought treatment for that.... well FUCK him!  Next week, I am going to officially start looking for a new PCP.  It's not a matter of payment because my insurance is paying 100% of everything right now... he's just flat out refusing to allow me to be comfortable and live some sort of normal life while I wait to get into the pain specialist.

I'm so angry.